My Love Life....

Hmm, a little about my love life ba, As i said, my 1st stead is my sec sch dance senior, we went together for three months and eventually i broke up with him because of personality difference and he is starting to be the person i felt unsuitable for me. My 2nd stead also my 1st true love we went together for 2 yrs, and finally broke up because his love for me wavered and died, i was left in hurt and pain but eventually i got over it and learned to move on with my life. My third stead was also a sec sch senior but we met each other in poly and he brought me into rovers, we broke up after 10 days because my family didn't like him and i too found out that he is also not what i really want as a stead and a possible soul mate, my 4th stead is a poly mate, a rover just like me, we were together for abt 4 mths and we too broke up because my opinion abt him has been greatly affected by his actions towards me although he was quite a nice guy and my family quite like him. My 5th stead is also a poly mate, he is a scout in his sec sch, he is also my 2nd true love, we were together for 1 yr, I love him alot but unfortunately, he took me for granted, he was insensitive towards my feelings and insensitive towards my need for affection, I felt very neglected and very lonely even though we are often together, finally i chose to end the relationship with him, he tried to ask me back to him but i just refused because i don wish to be lonely anymore. My 6th stead was my 3rd true love, we were together on and off for about 1 and 1/2 yr, why on and off? because we did broke up after 3 months together and went our seperate ways, i was very upset but i tot i will move on and went on to stead with two more guys until half a yr later, we decided to be back with one another, but this did not last long too because a broken glass can never hold water anymore, so we mutually agreed to break up although both of us are very sad, alas, he became his introvert self again and refused to go out to open his circle of friends. sigh... My 7th stead was my own classmate, we chance upon each other once when we went for our class gathering at east coast, our coming together was a very weird one anyways, i cant remember the details anymore, we were together for 3 mths, unfortunately, i broke his heart when i told him i want a break up, this love was really not meant to be because it served at that time as a way for me to forget my 6th stead but obviously it didn't work, all it did was created lots of hurt for him. sigh... Nonetheless, after him, my 8th stead came, again we were together for 3 mths, i knew him from my work place in IKEA but under him, i really really thought about what i really want as my soul mate, and he definitely cannot be the one for me because he caused grievous hurt to me both physically and emotionally, so bad that i condemned him forever, i don like to talk abt the details because he is not worth it... After him, my 6th stead want me back and by then i had a clear idea what i want in a relationship and that i have decided to look for my soul mate, my partner for life, although we had renewed love for another, i felt that i've lost my special love for him because he cannot promise me a future with him, i felt he was not resolved to want me as his life partner so i eventually lost whatever love i had for him and broke with him again... So on and off, my relationship was all hurts and pains, i've either hurt ppl or have hurt myself, but its through all this that i eventually built my criteria for my life partner and really realised what i want, thats what led me to my stead, my resolved life partner now, we've been together for only 3 months but he has promised me a future with him and we have constantly been talking abt our future... haha, so i'm quite glad. But still, i've already hurt ppl and thats one thing i really cannot forgive myself because i myself knew how hard it is for a broken heart to heal and accept others again but this is what love is, its meant to be bittersweet, just like some chocolates. Thats my perception of love ba... enuff said for now though...

- Himeno