Sadz...

He spoiled my day!! How could he do that? He promised me to go with me to ice skate today... he promised me and now he told me he don wanna go liao.... u noe how disappointed i am? he want me to meet him where i sure go... i wont say no.... i tell him go ice skate with me, he said he not in the mood and its not fun with only 2 of us.... how can he do that....

he broke his promise, i can't imagine next time what other promises he can break? his promise to protect me and love me? i really cannot imagine... WHY!!! WHY!!! things always have to happen to me... Why my bf all have to do this to me? make me sad make me cry? why? i hate to cry u noe... i really hate it.... I really do...

- Himeno

My Love Life....

Hmm, a little about my love life ba, As i said, my 1st stead is my sec sch dance senior, we went together for three months and eventually i broke up with him because of personality difference and he is starting to be the person i felt unsuitable for me. My 2nd stead also my 1st true love we went together for 2 yrs, and finally broke up because his love for me wavered and died, i was left in hurt and pain but eventually i got over it and learned to move on with my life. My third stead was also a sec sch senior but we met each other in poly and he brought me into rovers, we broke up after 10 days because my family didn't like him and i too found out that he is also not what i really want as a stead and a possible soul mate, my 4th stead is a poly mate, a rover just like me, we were together for abt 4 mths and we too broke up because my opinion abt him has been greatly affected by his actions towards me although he was quite a nice guy and my family quite like him. My 5th stead is also a poly mate, he is a scout in his sec sch, he is also my 2nd true love, we were together for 1 yr, I love him alot but unfortunately, he took me for granted, he was insensitive towards my feelings and insensitive towards my need for affection, I felt very neglected and very lonely even though we are often together, finally i chose to end the relationship with him, he tried to ask me back to him but i just refused because i don wish to be lonely anymore. My 6th stead was my 3rd true love, we were together on and off for about 1 and 1/2 yr, why on and off? because we did broke up after 3 months together and went our seperate ways, i was very upset but i tot i will move on and went on to stead with two more guys until half a yr later, we decided to be back with one another, but this did not last long too because a broken glass can never hold water anymore, so we mutually agreed to break up although both of us are very sad, alas, he became his introvert self again and refused to go out to open his circle of friends. sigh... My 7th stead was my own classmate, we chance upon each other once when we went for our class gathering at east coast, our coming together was a very weird one anyways, i cant remember the details anymore, we were together for 3 mths, unfortunately, i broke his heart when i told him i want a break up, this love was really not meant to be because it served at that time as a way for me to forget my 6th stead but obviously it didn't work, all it did was created lots of hurt for him. sigh... Nonetheless, after him, my 8th stead came, again we were together for 3 mths, i knew him from my work place in IKEA but under him, i really really thought about what i really want as my soul mate, and he definitely cannot be the one for me because he caused grievous hurt to me both physically and emotionally, so bad that i condemned him forever, i don like to talk abt the details because he is not worth it... After him, my 6th stead want me back and by then i had a clear idea what i want in a relationship and that i have decided to look for my soul mate, my partner for life, although we had renewed love for another, i felt that i've lost my special love for him because he cannot promise me a future with him, i felt he was not resolved to want me as his life partner so i eventually lost whatever love i had for him and broke with him again... So on and off, my relationship was all hurts and pains, i've either hurt ppl or have hurt myself, but its through all this that i eventually built my criteria for my life partner and really realised what i want, thats what led me to my stead, my resolved life partner now, we've been together for only 3 months but he has promised me a future with him and we have constantly been talking abt our future... haha, so i'm quite glad. But still, i've already hurt ppl and thats one thing i really cannot forgive myself because i myself knew how hard it is for a broken heart to heal and accept others again but this is what love is, its meant to be bittersweet, just like some chocolates. Thats my perception of love ba... enuff said for now though...

- Himeno

The Six Months After 'O's and my Working life into Poly...

Wow, SO fast, within the few posts, i have almost covered my life since young, this pt of time is the time when life was going downhill for myself...

The very first month after my 'O' levels finished, that is January, I found my first vacation job as a temp data entry clerk at Singpost, Paya Lebar. COuld u imagine, i'm staying in woodlands and i have to go to work all the way in the east... In the end i worked for 1 month exactly and quit the job, because its really taxing for me. ALso because i have been harrasses by a guy i found offensive to me... Somemore, my good fren is all trying to get us together and that turned me off even more... sigh.... But anyways, i just quit and then spent the next month looking for a new job with my 2 yr stead and our fren guang wei.

Eventually i found a job at Viking Hotdogs and started working there for 2 months, this pt of time, i was ver busy working and eventually, my stead broke up with me, reason, i never knew, it was quite sad for me, and in order to keep my mind off it, i worked myself and pushed myself to my limits, working for 13 hrs a day and almost everyday. Eventually, i lost myself and closed myself off in my world, not wanting to know anyone, not wanting to talk to anyone except putting my heart to serving my customers. I became a very pessimistic and introvert person from what i used to be and became so depressed that eventually i broke down and almost committed suicide. Luckily, a little voice in my mind saved me from doing so, it told me, what for die for a guy who cannot even understand me? Not worth it, there are better guys out there, thats for sure. So I dropped my knife and broke down crying, my mum, who heard me cry out for the first time, came in and calmed me down by embracing me.

I rest for awhile and went on looking for my 3rd vacation job, which is at Macdonalds, that job also brought me alot of happiness and sadness, i worked there for 2 yrs, working and studying at the same time. Chinese got a very good saying, "Bu da bu xiang shi" i knew a good fren from there because we often quarrelled. That fren was none other than Serena, she used to be a very bitchy, noisy and nosey girl, in my view lar, some more she seems to always pick on me until eventually i found out that she is younger, i totally ignored her. but somehow, we became frenz after awhile but still, we will bicker once in awhile. Over time, i also got to noe a few other good frenz who became my sisters and brothers, they are: Jade, Alan, Ah Bao, Elsa. From working in mac, i also got to noe Jeffrey, Ben4 Ben4 and many many others...

After 2 yrs, i quit the job because i realise its starting to get boring as i often get thrown in front of the counters to do counter sales, so with my good exp in mac, i found a job in IKEA as a cashier, life there was very very busy and its always long queue although 11 counters are working at the same time. I worked there for a yr and quit during chinese new yr because they did not allow me to go and pay my respect to my dead grandfather on the third day of chinese new yr. Then they told me, either i go to work immediately or i return my uniform. I said i quit because no pt, what kind of human are they if they don even allow me go pay my respect to the dead? although chinese seldom visit the dead during chinese new yr, my family has no such superstitions because of our religion, so we always make it a pt to visit my dead grandfather during chinese new yr. But anyways, i wasn't very happy working there too because they are starting to be obnoxious. But thats fine with me too because i am busy with my FYP at that time to be bothered abt work...

- Himeno

The few hours to nightfall felt like ages. Finally dinner time arrived, Himeno went for dinner in the mess tent, dinner that night was roasted deer meat, carrots stew, cheese, ham and bread. She ate her dinner deep in thoughts until her thoughts were abruptly interrupted by Gale, "Hime, u haven't been yourself the whole of today. I can see that you have been thinking about tonight, Neki asked you to meet him tonight right? I wonder if he is going to tell you that he likes you." "Hey, stop rummaging in my mind you nosey parker." Himeno replied feeling slightly annoyed. Gale then continued with a hearty laugh, "I've never rummaged, its just that we are bonded and i cant help knowing how you felt and what you think because we are so... Bonded." "Well, its just that i've never felt so nervous and excited before. I really wondered about what he is going to tell me. Yet at the same time, i was thinking about the man in my dream. Who is he? He seemed to know me, he felt like a soul mate..." Himeno trailed off staring into blank space. She went into a trance suddenly as Gale took off from where he was and flew off into the night. Himeno and Gale are sharing sight and in Gale's eyes, she saw the neighbouring tribe Shepherd Tribe engulfed by flames, it seems that their village has been raided by another tribe. That made her wondered if this was related to the dream vision whereby many of her tribe died defending their home. Gale flew off in another direction and she saw a building that looked rather familiar, the building looked like the building in her dream vision, again she wondered what was in that building because she had never knew in that corner of the mountain and forest, there is such a building. "Gale, can you get to the building u saw?" Himeno sent an inquiring thought. "Hime, I can't seem to get near to the building. It seems that the building is being protected by some forcefield." Gale said firmly. "It's ok, come back for now. I'm more worried about the neighbouring tribe attempting to rearm. I was wondering if they are preparing to battle. I do hope they are not rearming to start a war with us. I have to let father know this matter fast." Himeno said with a tinge of worry in her thoughts.

Himeno broke out of her trance and immediately left the mess tent and her remaining dinner behind. She walked quickly over to the tent where her family was having their dinner. Often the chieftain and his family will have their dinner together but Himeno grown to prefer eating with her people because she felt its easier to know about the things around home when she mingled among her people. Reaching the tent, she was glad that her family had already finished their food and that her mother and her sister was not around. Her fatehr was still sitting by the table, slowly savouring his drink while reading some scrolls. She stepped into the tent and interrupted her father, "Father, I have something i think you should know." "Yes Himeno, what's the matter?" Her father replied slightly startled by his daughter's sudden intrusion. "Sorry to startle you father. Just now i went on a falcon sight with Gale and in his eyes, i saw our neighbour Shepherd Tribe in flames. Moreover, I also saw that building in my dreams as Gale flew off in another direction. The building is about 2 storeys high built with stones and it looked very old because creepers are crawling on the walls. If i did not get my bearings wrong, its about a days ride from where we are in the north near to where the mountain rises. Father do you know what that building is?" Himeno reported her findings. "That building is a god forsaken place. Never go there. It seems that another Tribe has brought them down. I will spread the news through the Gyrfalcons for all to be on the alert and post scouts and sentries through the night. They may strike anytime. May the gods be with us." the chieftain said, warningly. With that, Himeno took that as a sign of dismissal and greeted her father good night before retreating from the tent.

Once out in the open, Himeno looked upon the night suddenly remembered that she has to meet Neki. Judging the night, she realised she was late and she moved fast towards the glade. Once she reached the glade, she saw Neki sitting on a huge boulder by the pond throwing small pebbles into the pond such that it skipped on the surface of the pond a few times before it sinks into the pond. she stood there observing him for awhile before clearing her throat, "Ahem, Neki..." A startled Neki looked up frantically and turned his head towards the direction of the voice, "Himeno, oh, you are finally here. Was wondering if you are going to appear anot. Glad that you finally showed up." "Sorry Neki, had a last minute meeting with my father. So you asked me here for?" Asked Himeno inquiringly. "Erm... Ah, wanna ask you join me tonight to watch the moon and the stars. Some guy told me there will be a nice meteor shower tonight." Neki replied hesitantly. "Is that so? Hmmm... Anyways, I can't stay for long, i've had a long day, i need to rest early." Himeno said as she walked over to the boulder where Neki was sitting on and sat down beside him. A silence prevailed, so silent that even the wind blowing across the pond can be heard. Neki took up the pebbles and started to throw them into the pond again, he threw quite a few times and then he said, "Hime, you know what the number of skips meant?" Himeno looked as he threw the pebbles, she counted as the pebbled skipped, "One, two, three... What did it meant?" "Three skips meant i love you." Neki said those words as he looked into Himeno's blue clear eyes. Himeno was surprised that Neki would tell her he loved her in this way. How romantic that is. Himeno thought about it and said, "Was that what you wanted to tell me Neki?" "Yes, I love you Hime. I know you have been hurt before. But i promise you, my heart for you is true. I really love you. Will you accept me?" Neki said with great love and passion from his voice. "Neki, I need time to think over it. There is too many things happening around me lately. I really need to think over it. Please forgive me for not replying you immediately." Himeno replied apolegetically. "Its ok, don't worry. I will wait for your answer." Neki said, hiding his disappointment from Himeno, but deep in his heart, he was glad that he told Himeno about his feelings. Now he thought all he could do is wait.

They sat around awhile more and looked up the pitch black night sky which sparkled with stars. A shooting star raced across the sky and the both of them wished upon the star. Neki walked Himeno out of the glade and sent her back before he left. Himeno washed herself and changed into her sleeping attire. On her bed, the scene with Neki kept playing in her mind, she thought about it until she fell asleep. That night, she dreamt again...

Secondary School Days....

Hmmm... Had enuff with wallowing in my own sorrows liao... now... back to the place i stopped...

As i was saying, after i recieved my PSLE results, i was quite satisfied with my good results because i got A* for Science, A for Chinese, B for English and C for Maths, well, my maths was never good in my primary school days... But anyways, i got an overall aggregate of 218 which is considered good... But then, it landed me in Deyi Secondary School, the very school which i hated then... But come to think of it, i was quite fortunate because that was where i learnt to live like a human... Thats where i knew my first few good frenz apart from those ppl i knew from primary sch...

Sec one, nothing much eventful, the only thing i knew was i am in a "top" class among the express, even though they did not say anything, we knew we are among the few with better results because of our PSLE results... but this does not mean that our class will be together, because the sec 1 results still make a diff to where u will be headed... I played my way thru sec 1, still playing soccer with guys, of coz they tot it was silly for a girl to play soccer with them but nontheless, eventually when i showed them my skill to score a goal, they accepted me and even invited me for their soccer sessions... But sec 1 was a yr of torture also because of the PE teachers who bo tai bo ji find small little fault on us and punished us by running around the school field, we really looked like crazy ppl then lo... sigh... Those days i was still in contact with a primary sch fren called Liying and Ling Hui, they accompanied me through my sec 1... but also i got to noe Ling Hui's fren called Yao Feng... I had quite some fun with them those days.. As for CCA, I joined in Movement and Dance, and continued my dancing life there, little did i know that my life in dance would change my attitude in dancing forever...

Sec 2, I was introduced to Magic: The Gathering the card game.. its very very fun and really requires to think alot... It also depends alot on luck... But nontheless, i was quite good at it and created a deck with the concept of having many mini sized creature, mainly pegasus and falcons... I specially called it the mini gainer deck because i added in a couple of soul warden which allows me to gain life as i kept pumping mini creatures... moreover, these creatures are all flying creatures which meant that they cannot be blocked no matter how many land creatures they had... So imagine having 30, 40+ flying creatures and i have surplus 40 pts of life.... haha... fun rite?? But sec 2 was the time where we will be placed into the classes that each specialise in diff subjects. Of course, I was being assigned to Class 3/10, the class taking Pure Chem and Pure Phy, along with that, A Maths, E Maths, Geog, Hist, Eng and Chi... Those days were pure struggle... but lucky for me, i've planned my future well and decided to go to poly after o level... so i worked my way through sec 3 deciding what to study and what not to study... but of course, i also tried my best and gave those subjects i didn't like a shot but too bad lar, cannot means cannot... in the end i officially gave up A maths and conc on my E maths which is stronger... i also unofficially dropped History coz i tot it bored me to the core... Initially, i didn't like chem because i tot it was hard, but as the times goes along, i learned to love and chem and it became the main thing i look forward everyday.

Well, enuff on my academic side, lets see...

Sept 1998, I was diagnosed to wear specs.... that time i wear specs, i hate it alot but what to do? without specs, i cannot even see what is on the OHP.. sigh, in the end i had to wear it...

Feb 1999, i moved house from AMK to woodlands, along with the move, i made new frenz in dance itself, ppl who live at woodlands... that yr was also a yr of SYF, dance had been busy preparing for the competitions, 3 dance in total... i was involved in 2, and we got 2 golds and 1 silver, it could have been 3 golds... but anyways, doesn't matter.. wat matters to me is that the dance achieved something... that yr i went to OBS camp too, 5 days residential camp on OBS at pulau ubin was an out of the norm experience for me, but remember, i told u i was having competition? haha, one of the trainings fell on friday, i was of course punished for not informing my dance teachers that i was going for the camp, but like i say, even if told them, i would be discouraged to go and maybe even threatened in order for me to not go for it... But as a very headstrong girl that time, i didn't give a damn abt the consequence and went... because OBS is a lifetime experience whereas SYF to me was not a first time... haha... Well, what was the punishment u may ask...
1000 lines of "tuan jie, fu chong, ren zhen shi ren sheng de yi zhong mei de. yin ju you she ji wei ren de jing shen, cai neng fu he tuan ti sheng huo, wo kang hui shan jiang yong yuan ji de." Its in chinese, for the benefit of those whu don understand, it meant: Unity, Obedience, Diligence are virtues in life, only with the spirit of self sacrifice, can there be an organised group life, I Kang Huishan will remember forever. Kang Huishan is my chinese name in case u all dunno... :P But seriously, i never take this phrase seriously because i tot its total bullshit! Haha, but of coz, thru dance i got to noe my first love and my true love... Too bad first love did not last very long, 3 months only because i eventually found a guy i liked better and had more feelings for... He is my true love... and i was with him for 2 yrs, the 2 yrs until we broke up when we eventually went our ways into diff polys, but we stayed as close fren and contacted each other often until the day i lost my HP... sigh, with that lost, i lost all my contacts and also lost all my old fren's number... So those were my days in sec sch... haha, nothing much eventful, not like my days in primary school... but of coz, poly is really the most fun part of my life lo.... shall say again..

- Himeno

Himeno seeked for her father's audience and briefly told him abt her dream vision, her father listened intently and took this matter to heart, he went on to discuss the matter in length and plan for the tribe's defense with the tribe's welfare and survival as their sole priority. The Falconer's Tribe is a tribe of very peaceful people who do not seek to overtake or even battle any others. All they want is to live in peace and harmony with the others. Unbeknownst to them, the neighbouring tribe had been eyeing their land because the land which the Falconer's Tribe live on is bountiful and fertile, thus, their leader, out of greed, eventually came up with the thought of taking over the Falconer's Tribe land. He secretly massed his military strength and waiting for the right time to strike. Apparantly, he must be ready to do so, that's why Himeno had the dream vision.

By the time Himeno stepped out of her father's tent, its exactly lunch time, remembering that she has to meet her league of seven, she hurried along with Gale to the mess tent, upon entering the tent, smells of roasted meat assimilated her nose, her stomach grumbled loudly, then she remembered she had nothing for breakfast, quickly she scanned the tent and saw her league of seven sitting in their usual spot. She weaved through the lunch crowd and sat down on the empty spot which happened to be beside Neki. Again, her heart started to race and she felt her face starting to flush, "I see, it seems you are infatuated with Neki, I notice your heart always race whenever he is around, tell me my dear Himeno, are you in love?" said Gale in her mind as he mentally raised an eyebrow as if in skepticism. "Hey, thats none of you business nosey parker, stop observing me like your next meal." Himeno replied bashfully and mentally swatted at Gale. Gale mentally dodged her swat and playfully stuck out his tongue. Himeno laughed and turned back to her league of seven, they haven't start anything and will not start eating without Himeno around. Himeno took that chance to sneak away saying to help all of them get food. She did not expect Neki to volunteer to help her as often it is Yuji who will help her. This caught her off guard and she fought hard to keep her surprise from showing on her face, she graciously accepted his help and moved over to the food collection counters.

Yuji gave a sign of victory seeing Himeno walk away with Neki. The remaining people gave him a puzzled look as they knew that Yuji usually would company Himeno to get the food. So he went on to explain: "Neki is in love with Himeno, I'm creating the chance for them to be alone, you guys should do the same you know? I think the two of them are quite suitable for each, don't you think?" At his explanation, the idea seemed to dawn on them and they nodded in approval.

Neki and Himeno walked together in silence, finally when the silence felt too awkward, Neki decided to break the silence and asked her awkwardly, "Erm, how did the meeting went? It was awfully long, is something wrong?" Himeno, apparantly in her own world was startled when Neki asked her the question she replied hastily, "Oh, it was alright. Erm, sorry that i can't tell you more because its confidential." "Oh..." Neki said feeling even more awkward. They continued on in silence as Neki mustered his courage to ask Himeno out for the night. They reached the counter and proceeded to collect everyone's food. Lunch was roast beef, rye bread, cheese and mixed vegetables(carrots, peas, corn, lettuce). On seeing the vegetable, Neki sounded out and complained, "Vegetables? Oh man..." Himeno can't help but giggled at him, this brought a smile on his face and they proceeded to bring the food back to the table. While walking back, he plucked up his courage and asked Himeno, "Hime, can you meet me tonight at the glade by the pond? I have something to tell you." Himeno was quite taken back because that was the first time she heard Neki calling her Hime, she nodded to agree, not trusting her voice.

They had a wonderful lunch although Neki and Yuji kept complaining about the vegetables, after all, they are guys and most guys do not eat their vegetables, to them, it is an untouchable food, as though eating the vegetable will cause them to rot and die. Himeno took all of their vegetables and ate heartily, savouring the sweet vegetables. The guys gave her a look of disgust as she gave them a look of absolute satisfaction as she bit into her vegetables. The girls in the league all laughed and eventually, they ended lunch. The league went their respective ways to go about their respective activities. Himeno went back to her tent and thought about tonight. She wondered over what Neki might want to tell her at the glade. She was both excited and nervous about it. Back at her tent, she went on with her daily training routine with Gale, while she wait for night to fall.

Another Lousy Day...

If i told you i had a good day, i'm just telling lies and cheating my ownself, I noe probably no one every reads my bloggy, but i tot its good because i can say all about my day in here...

I do not noe why, but i just have a very strong six sense, my mood gets affected by ppl i love and cherish alot... if they are unhappy i will be also... what ever their mood is, it seems to be reflected on me. Today, my dear and book were down and quite unhappy... no wonder why i felt no matter how much i tried, i couldn't pickup my mood... its like in the ditch lo.. and best i got training for a WHOLE day today... the choreography team met at 10am, could u imagine, after meeting was trainer's meet up, after trainers meet up was participants training and after participants training was debrief and best still, have to do a choreography team debrief, i'm like so sapped up for the day and yet i still need to put on a smiley face mask, I've been trying to look for him and yet whole day i heard nothing from him, u noe how alone i felt when i was on my way home? i bet u didn't but i tot i'm going insane liao.. its like he is companying some frenz, and me... i'm all alone... the person closest to me who should be comforting me is not even around me... what can i say? just my luck lo...

- Himeno

Wat a Day...

I can tell you guys, today is definitely not my day... wat i say, he don believe, watever i say he tot it is ridiculous, wat i told him, he thinks i talk rots... i'm very frustrated and very disappointed.

My mum, she was a very good example already, only O levels, nothing more, when she joined SMIT, she only have O levels, a computer illiterate, don even now what is sms, doesn't even have any experience in port net, logistics, chemicals or even manning ppl. she was only a small admin clerk in her prev job which she happily worked for 9 yrs, moreover, she asked for a pay of $2000 knowing she has absolutely no experience. And guess wat, she got the job. My mum was 35 then. Hey come on man how can that be possible, where got such good luck? U must be thinking of that but with the Gohonzon, nothing is impossible. She chanted sincerely for a job with a good pay so that she can actually support the company because my dad wasn't even working at that time. At that time, i was still in sec sch and my sis was going into sec sch soon, things was hard for my family because there are so many debts my family landed into. Life was very hard and frugal, we were constantly living in a nightmare that one day my dad will be declared a bankrupt, but thanks to my mum and her chanting ok, if not now we also can't pull through. But its not over yet...

Now, that i'm 21, I'm going to have the first debt of my life on me soon, I have a 60k school fees to worry over, why? coz i'm preparing to go to lasalle to pursue my deg in dance, why u think with my current job i will want to go study something absolutely nothing to do with wat i work as? simple. because i cannot find my mission of life there. i don wish to work in a place which i will slowly and gradually lose my humanity and interest. I want a work where allows me to contribute to kosen rufu full time. nothing can be more happy than to see others embrace the way to true happiness, the Gohonzon and the Lotus Sutra is the only thing in the world which can bring that happiness, it is through my chanting that i made this decision. Why is the gohonzon good? because it brings out ur inherent potential to be buddha and bring forth courage and wisdom that will help u in making the right judgement in ur life. and we are all working for true world peace that will last forever. we are an organization who wants to bring about peace through education and culture... coz peace is never peace when ppl cannot disable arms.

I just want to make it clear, if he doesn't want to put wat i taught him into action, i shall not say to him anythings anymore because wat i say falls on deaf ears. wisom is not calculated in yrs. this is all i can say.

- Himeno

Primary School Day... (Part 2)

Ok, i passed primary 4 and climbed into primary 5, of course, i played my way through primary 5 and results that yr wasn't very good but still, i managed. Primary 5 was the very yr which we have our very first inter class sketch competition, something like putting on a drama for competition. I remembered i and the bunch of "girls" put up a sketch and we got ourself 2nd place... wat was the price, i couldn't remember anymore... but anyways, we had great fun. That yr we also engaged ourself in I am a Young Scientist Badge thingy, well, i engaged myself in the I am an Environmentalist Badge program and well, i got it. but u see, i'm simply too lazy lar so by rights i could have engaged myself in more badge programs but because of my laziness, i did only one lo.. :P So thats abt my days in primary 5. On top of that, that yr dance was busily preparing for our 2nd SYF dance com and we entered the dance com with a xin jiang gu wu, Xin Jiang drum dance. Of coz, we also got just a merit award... lol... Well, Like i say, even though results was not very good, i managed and moved on to primary 6...

Primary 6 was PSLE year, that yr, was a rather stressful yr for me because thats was when alot of things happened... Firstly, noeing that that yr was PSLE, i really forced myself to study, remedial lessons was very often and there are so much homework to do that i became very very moody. That yr i became a prefect and being a prefect meant alot of responsibilities and lots of discipline too... that yr, i got to noe huixin, ling hui and became closer frenz with siew ying because i have my prefect duties often at the gate nearest to the HOD room. haha, but i took it upon myself to do "extra" duties, that is opening the door for the HODs who goes into their room, because they are often bogged down with things in their two hands, so, hmm, dunno wat made me go and help them also lar.. :P but anyways, my prefect days was not easy lar... Like i say, it involved alot of responsibilities and discipline but that particular yr, i really had a bad time... I'm a bookworm and i read alot of books, so i often borrow books from school's library, that yr, a book was due to be returned but i was having dance practice on that day and in those days, they don have book drop and they can take a long time to process the returning of the book, so i asked someone to help me return my book, and somehow that person never return my book for me, best part, it became overdue and i was of coz, called to the library and asked about where the book is. I said i didn't noe and i've asked someone to return the book for me also... Well, they looked for the book for the next three days and then, somebody found the book lying near to the school main gate and brought the book back to the library... wow, i for no reason got a scolding from that teacher and she even accused me that i set up lies to cover the fact that i lost the book myself... of course, i cried out of fury and i told her, stop maligning me or else i will jump off from the school's building to prove my innocence, i even said, since they already found the book back, why must she create a ruckus over it ne? its only on the fact that she heard i will jump off that she realised she really could have maligned me, so she called it quits and told me to be more careful next time. I told her in my fits of anger that there will be no more next time because i will not borrow anymore books from this library... and i really didn't borrow anymore books after that liao lo... I prefer to go to the amk library coz there are more books there... :P But thats not all the bad things happening to me either lei, one more incident caused me to have a bad conduct that yr... Like i said, all the pressure and stress caused me to be very moody, my parents did not understand me and they scolded me for not be hardworking enuff, my teachers out of stress scolded my class saying we are useless bums, my work became from bad to worse, then one day at PE, zhong wei somehow got on my nerves so much that i didn't noe why i slapped him right there on the spot... of coz, he retaliated and slapped me back... i cried on the spot and the teacher seeing this, came to recouncil us, but of coz, i was very very angry because never in my life someone slapped me, my parents no matter how angry also never slapped me on my face, pride to me then was something very impt then and i sank into a world of great anger... somehow, it gotten to me to vend the anger on something and i actually vandalised my desk, i used a penknife and dug a hole into it... i sank into a trance doing it, oblivious to my surroundings, only thinking of digging that hole and pouring my anger into the penknife, well, eventually, my chinese teacher caught me doing it and took me to the discipline mistress, they called my parents up and my mum came to school and made me talk to the school principal, i eventually broke down and told him wat angered me so much to do that... best part, i'm a preect, knowing that vandalism is an offence, i stepped down as a prefect and conc on studying, as far as i know, i also got zhong wei into trouble because i told the principal that he bullied me and i out of anger and fury, committed the act of vandalism... sigh... eventually, i rushed my studies for PSLE and passed with good results. and went on to study in secondary liao...

Well, thats the dian dian di di that happened to me in primary school which i remembered ba... been through alot but i've grown from there at least...

- Himeno

Neki felt very moody and down without Himeno around. The rest of them were happily training their Gyrfalcon at hunting and yet Neki and his Gyrfalcon sat there gazing into the blue sky. "Hey, what's up brother? You looked very sad, it's because Himeno is not here right?" joked Yuji as he saw Neki looking very down. "Nope, I'm fine, maybe a little tired, why don't you go join them and have fun?" replied Neki as he gave a weak and unconvincing smile. "You know you can never hide anything from me. I've noticed how you looked at Himeno everytime we went to look for her. You are obviously in love with her right?" Yuji said with a serious face, a face which told others he is not joking. "Well, I'm a lousy actor right? Yes, I'm in love with her, but she's the Chieftain's daughter, how can i tell her my love for her? She's of royal blood you know? What am i? just a normal falconer. Will she even look at me?" Neki said in despair, feeling even more down. "Hey, aren't we all in the league of seven? We are all very close frenz, close brothers and sisters aren't we? That means she didn't mind our "normal" status at all. Come on man, don't you know her long enough? Remember how we made friends with her? She was all alone remember? I say you stop your unneccessary worries here, why don't you go and tell her you like her?" Yuji retaliated Neki's negativity with reasonings of his own. He continued saying, "Somemore, you'll never know, she may have some feelings for you. I think you really should go tell her, pick a good place with a good ambience and tell her, whatever her answer's gonna be, you have to learn to accept it with grace, at least you tell her your feelings. Right?" "Yeah, thanks for your advice brother. Come, let's join them, pointless to sit here right? It's such a fine day." Neki replied with renewed optimism and courage. "That's my man. Yup, let's join them, we'll meet Himeno for luncheon again, then you will get to see her again and then maybe that will perk you up." Yuji smirked and laughed, he got up and ran off as if anticipating Neki to strike at him. Neki got up and chased after him. In his mind, he thought he really should give it a try.

Primary School Days.... (Part 1)

Hmmm, after i graduated from my "uneventful" kindergarten, i went into Teck Ghee Primary School and started my schooling days there... that was the very time i started to open myself a little, i started making frenz... But sad to say, they don las long because i think those days it was because of my attitude and personality... I'm a rather proud person in the past and can be quite stuck up at times... so.. hmmm, having a fren to me is a treasure lo...

But i did have a fren that was with me for my 6 yrs in my primary sch and went thru thick and thin with me quite abit.. she is Yvonne. I knew her from primary 2 and because we stay very close to each other, we often meet up to go to school together... we are like very very good sisters that are unseperable... u will never see us apart lo... anyways, primary 2 was also the yr we both went to join dance as our ECA (Those days it was called Extra Curriculum Activities) and we trained together.. In dance, we got to know more frenz, one of them was simin, the other was lizhuang, and of coz, many many others whom i must have forgotten... but why i remember simin and lizhuang, was because the 4 of us are often the lead dancers in a dance because we learnt rather fast so, our dance teacher often gave us that chance and the exposure... I think that was the time when i really started to be an over confident, over proud and even more stuck up person... eventually, only ppl who really likes my company stayed around me, others simply shunned away from me... But to me, not having frenz was not a big prob coz my idea then was, i don need frenz if they don need me, so i continuted to be alone and at times be with lizhuang, yvonne...

In primary 3, i got level top for science and i got to choose a book i like to read and i got myself an enid blyton book although i couldn't remember where that book went... anyways, i climbed my way up to primary 4 and continued to try my best for all that i care, by that time, i got to know a new fren called abraham, i was always competing with him over my science tests and exam results and i guess i win him over many occasions and eventually, he didn't felt like competing with me because no matter what i will win battle after battle... lol, those were the days... That yr, i came in touch with soccer and a grp of "girls" who are good frenz with simin, they are peiwen, eileen, liling and zhong wei (the only guy whom they treated him like a girl although he was quite man), this bunch of "girls" are not wat i would say very good frenz, but nontheless, they became a part of my life in teck ghee, eventually, i learnt how to cheat my mother and my family, telling them i have remedial lessons when in actual fact i was roaming around amk, going from places to places with them... i would often be at peiwen's house or yvonne's house or even at the void deck til late then i go back and eventually, my family found out abt my lies and wala, i kena scolding and risked my mother's wrath... This yr was also the yr my CCA dance joined in SYF dance competition, i remembered our dance prepared a ducklings themed dance and well, we only got merit award lar, nothing to be happy over actually. lol... wat a childhood i had...

another bunch of frenz i noe are the malays. Firstly, there is megawati, shes a very nice and interesting girl to be with. most importantly, she is very cute and i treat her like my sister... from wat i remember of her, she is the 9th child in her family and so she didn't have edusave at all, so whenever we have to go for certain courses or trips, she would have to pay the full sum. but lucky for her, her family is quite well to do lar... Next, Kartini, she is a soccer freak like me, and often during recess or after school, we will play soccer together with the guys... Another soccer mate is Khalid, can't remember much about him haha, but i noe he and kartini are good frenz and neighbours...

- Himeno

In another part of the land where the Falconers Tribe trived, a young man with beautiful hazel eyes lived with his black Gyrfalcon in a freehold with a small river and a vast forest. He lived in seclusion and this day, he thought about his childhood. This man is none other than Kaze.

His tribe unlike the Falconers Tribe do not have people with Gifts and it's extremely rare for anyone to possess Gifts, thus, they feared those with Gifts and eventually thought they are demon's child, they branded this people as outcastes and eventually banished them from their tribe. Kaze happened to be unlucky enough to be born into that tribe with a strong Gift of magery, everyone thought he was a normal child when he was young because his Gift did not show up at all. Until one day, his Gift came unlocked while he was playing with his friends, one of his friends angered him and the next moment his friend was engulfed in flames, the sight of the flames and the screams of agony and terror coming from his friend eventually snapped him out of his trance. His frantic and desperate thoughts to find water actually caused water to emerge like rain from thin air and it did put out the flame on his friend in no time but seeing his friend being burnt badly, made him sad and something else happened, his friend was enveloped in white light and when the light faded away, his friend was healed and back on his feet. All these was witnessed by everyone and Kaze's playmates immediately backed off from him. He grew up alone and when he reached the age of 18, he was forced to leave, his parents no matter how reluctant, have to let him go because they too are tired of the persecutions they have to face.

Kaze left the tribe and travelled for many days, looking for the right place to live and survive until one day, he heard a solid male voice in his mind, "Kaze, We finally met. Look up on the tree and you will find me." Out of his curiosity, he looked up and saw a black Gyrfalcon perched onto the tree brach, its majestic and proud look left Kaze in awe. "Close your mouth boy, less you want some flies for luncheon." the black Gyrfalcon said amusingly. Kaze realised that he look rather silly, closed his mouth, and asked, "Are you the voice in my mind? What are you? Why did you say we finally met? I'm supposed to be on my way now, i'm still looking for my home." "Yes little one, i'm that voice in your mind, i'm the king of gyrfalcons and my name is Inuka, you are my chosen one and you have a destiny to fulfill. I know of your Gift and i also know all these years what you have gone through, i'll help you learn to control your Gift and put it into good use. Really, you don't have a choice, so just go with me i'll bring you to your new home and then you can ask questions."

Inuka took off from the branch he perched on and flew towards Kaze. Kaze extended his arms instinctively and Inuka landed. Inuka's landing signified that Kaze welcomed and accepted his presence, and Kaze cast him off into the air and followed Inuka as he led him to his new home. That was how he arrived at where he stay til this day.

Kindergarten days...

Those were the days when i started school, i think is was 4 or 5... can't remember alot about those days, maybe i got a memory block or maybe i got that portion of the memory chipped away from me.. some how, i couldn't quite remember those days except for one such incident:

I was a transferee from my old kindergarten below my house at blk 435 in AMK to a kindergarten that was near to my guardian's house, those days, my whole family was involved in my family business of selling prawn noodle at macpherson so they sent me to stay with my guardian at amk ave 1. So as i was saying, i got transferred to the new kindergarten which used to be situated on a basketball court situated just across the road from blk 219 where my guardian stays... I had a bad experience there when i transferred and that was where my bad impression of guys came along. a guy together with his friend, bullied me, they kept trying to peep under my skirt when i sat down and of coz, i was irritated and very upset over it, i complained to my teacher but she was like of no use.. then i ran around the room and disrupted lesson, i screamed at them of coz... but they just kept bothering me, in the end the teacher has no choice but to call my guardian to pick me up from school... i got back home and wat happened after that, i had no idea... but for wat i remembered, i refused to go back to school for the next few days because i didn't want to be bullied by those 2 guys. My parents had no choice but to transfer me back to my old kindergarten, i remembered i stayed there for less than a yr and i got transferred to the kindergarten that was newly set up belong my guardian's block, so transfer here transfer there, i finally grad from kindergarten lo... lol... well, thats more or less wat i remembered when i was in kindergarten...

About my guardian, she is my granny's brother's wife, she got 2 children, my cousin aunt, lilian and cousin uncle, whom i forgot his name.. haha... but lilian was very very good to me, i'm her lyn girl that time, and she showered me with lots of love and attention, i also love to be around her. She always bring me out wherever she go... actually, i'm quite a problem kid when i was young lei, behind my guardian's house was a playground which i spent my childhood days playing... i love that playground alot and whenever i need to go home, i was always very very reluctant, that place is like my 3rd home lo... lol... i remember spending days with my guardian's big white doggy at that playground, running around, chasing the doggy, no matter wat i do to the doggy, he will protect me not letting me fall, not letting me wander too far... that doggy was a very good fren in those days for me because i was lone ranger then.. thats where my love for animals came from... Of course, other than the doggy, there was also a common mynah which flew into my guardian's house one day and after dat, it became my guardian's house pet... If someone told me mynahs cannot learn to talk, i would have shot them outright because this mynah talks!! I always call my guardian "gim poh" and guess wat, the mynah picked that up over the days and he also started saying "gim poh" with me... lol...

well, thats about all for this chapter of my life, do stay tune for more wor.. :P

- Himeno

Himeno washed up and dressed up ready to set of for her father, the Chieftain's tent when her league of seven came looking for her. Neki was the last to enter as usual. Somehow, everytime she sees Neki, her heart would beat fast and her face will start to flush. She quickly hid her feelings and addressed her league of seven, among them are Yuji, Taki, Himi, Jini, Maia and of course Neki. These are her fellow falconers whom she trusted first time in her life for in the past, she was often ostracized by others of her age because of her status as the princess of the tribe. No one understood that she needed company too. Thus, she was a lone ranger for near to 17 years until this league of seven came and the first time she opened herself to this funny thing called friendship. Even though she was a lone ranger, she experienced what love was like and engaged herself in a 2 year relationship, but that left her scarred when her other half left her without a proper reason.. it took her a year to forget about that guy.

Nonetheless, Yuji, the big brother of the group said, "Himeno, today's a fine day for hunting and Gyrfalcon training, care to come with us?" "Sorry Yuji, not today, i got to go find my father, i've had a dream sighting yesterday that needed immediate attention. Maybe i'll join u guys for lunch hopefully. sorry again." replied Himeno apologetically. "Oh, ok, I think we shan't keep you up any further, we'll meet at the mess tent for luncheon then. Come lets go." Yuji said with a tinge of disappointment. They proceeded to exit Himeno's tent. As usual, Neki was the last to leave and he took a last look at her before he left. In those eyes, Himeno saw the same love and compassion she saw in the man in her dreams but of course that was not Neki in her dreams. It was someone else.

"Time to go to my father Gale, lets hope father is still in his tent."

Love and Marriage

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"
His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk
forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love." Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing. His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?" Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end. His teacher then said, "And that is love."

On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can I Find it?" His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found marriage". Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either. It was only an ordinary tree. His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?" Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I had walked through the field, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the
opportunity." His teacher then said, "And that is marriage. You see
son, Love is the most beautiful thing to happen to a person, its an
opportunity but you don't realize its worth when you have it but only when its gone like the field of stalks. Marriage is like the tree you chopped, it's a compromise.

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How true is it? marriage i feel shouldn't be a compromise but a mutual respect and a mutual agreement to support each other through thick and thin... Love may just come and go but remember, love is really a wonderful lesson in life to preapre you for your marriage life, it teaches you tolerance, accomodation, compromising and even teaches you wat is giving for your other half unconditionally... Just my 10 cents worth...

- Himeno

As I Grow....

well, some interesting things really happened as i started to grow up....

when i was like 9 mths old and i was starting to learn how to walk, i always run around in my baby walker, haha, when i say run, i meant it and those days, my guardian would be so scared of me.... truth to speak, i'm a hyperactive baby, i always run in my walker, lift my legs and let my walker run down the small ledge at the boundary of the kitchen and living room of my guardian's three room flat... haha, it even scared the daylights out of my parents who heard from my guardian wat i did... lol...

Haha, at 2 yrs old, i met with my very 1st accident... as a child, i'm naturally curious about many thing, i live on the 11th floor last time at my old house in AMK, and we have a lift on my floor, that day, my family are going on an outing and me and my mum are at the lift lobby waiting for the rest of my family members to be out of the house, i did't noe my mum actually pressed the button to the lift and guess wat, i was putting my hand on the lift door and i of course didn't noe that the lift have already reached my floor, the door slide opened and my hand went into the crack with it... eh, but funny thing was i never cry lei, i never even felt any pain, my neighbour who happened to be at the lobby saw wat happened and let out a cry of alarm, my mum heard that looked and again she scared the daylights out of her, they tried to get my little hand out of the crack and eventually, they did it though i dunno how... but no idea why i never cried at all... lol... then, that was only the first of the accidents in my life... there are more:

when i was 3 yrs old, like i say, i'm a hyperactive baby and i'm naturally a hyperactive children... so those days, u will never find me sitting still, i will run around the house and climb up and jump down... so cuts, bruises and bumps are to me, the norm lo... ANYWAY, as i was saying, that yr was the 2nd time i met with my first accident in life... lol... Those days, there is one milo advertisement on tv which portrayed a swimmer leaping into the water with lots of grace, as kids, we are often very silly and will try and mimic almost everything we see and hear lo... guess wat? I copied the advertisement and leaped off my granny's bed and landed with a loud and dull thud on the ground, head first... of course, i cried out in pain but wat attracted my family's attention was that loud thud on the ground.. of coz, i scared the daylights out of them again... lol... they sent me to the hospital as i was bleeding from my nose profusely... haha, come to think of it, so silly right? anyways, my doc told my mother, i need an x-ray as they suspected that i've cracked something, so off we went for my x-ray, at that age, the sound of the name "x-ray" terrified me, kids ma, silly one, i tot they going to shoot me or open me up or something like that so i cried and wailed and even thrashed around, not wanting to have my x-ray taken... in the end, my mum wore an x-ray armour and held my head just to have my x-ray taken... haha... but thats just one of the few incidents that happened there are alot more but then, i probably can't remember most of them already... so i shall share til here... :)

- Himeno

The girl is none other than Himeno aka Hime, the chieftain's daughter of the Falconer tribe. The tribe of people known as a Falconer possesses a special gift at birth. Since the past til now, a Gyrfalcon will always be born on the same day as the Falconer and thus, they are bonded to each other spiritually and mentally, they grow up together and draw strength from each other. Himeno thought about the dream she saw and decided to bring it to her Gyrfalcon which she affectionately called Gale.

Himeno sent an inquiring thought, "Gale, I need to discuss something with you, can you come to me?" "Alright, I'll be right over." replied a melodious male voice in Himeno's head. A white Gyrfalcon flew into her tent shortly after that and landed lightly on Himeno's outstretched arm. Himeno tossed Gale a piece of horsemeat and watched as he gobbled up the meat hungrily. "You are a glutton as usual..." Himeno teased. "You always have to wake up so late.. Its beyond breakfast for me already." Gale protested. "Alright, i was just kidding. Back to business my dear, I have a dream sight again, but this time i never asked for it, it just came abruptly to me, it has never happened before if you get what i meant." Himeno said with a note of worry in her thought. Gale searched reached into her mind and tap into her memory cache. The dream was a weird one, it featured a young man of Himeno's age with his black Gyrfalcon, the Great Gyrfalcon Inuka, King of Gyrfalcons. This man was walking through a war-torned land filled with dead bodies of Falconers with their Gyrfalcons. He seemed to be a mage because he held an oak staff tied with the tail feather of Inuka. He walked on purposefully towards a building and stood standing there fixing his eyes on Himeno's dream being. Those hazel eyes held great compassion and love as they gazed upon her and yet at the same time, she could see a tinge of anger blazing and growing as he set his gaze back towards the building.

"That guy indeed gave me a disturbingly familiar feeling. Those eyes, they look upon you like he seemed to be holding a very special feeling of love for you. I wonder...." Gale said thoughtfully. "Well, I do not know but i have that special feeling for him too... This must be sometime in the future, if it really is, I must tell father about this and prepare the tribe for such a thing."

Something to think about....

After reading the story, it really really reminded me fully of what happened to me, things i have escaped by putting them aside.. things i so easily escaped from... this story gave me strength to face them all again.... its really good...

The story is here:

http://www.samuelgoh.net/love/herstory.htm

After reading it, i found that this part of the epilogue actually made me pondered over alot so i shall leave it here in my blog:

During the short almost two years, we all learnt many lessons in love. Many mistakes were made. Many wrong turns taken. All of us had matured a little. Each of us.

Min was never sure of himself and confused too. He also has a heart that fancies too easily, until he realised who he really loves. Lisa was too contented to be loved and easily made use of. She yielded many times too. Sally was, perhaps the only one who fought for what she likes but did not get it. Ken is a good friend to the very end (now). He is constantly by Min's side. Yve needs to learn how to control herself before she can control a relationship. Yve was a very good friend too. Roger is selfish and cared only for himself. He is also an unfaithful lover. David, is also an unfaithful lover but he had reasons to leave Yve. The second boyfriend of Lisa gave up too easily. He could have persevered and gone through the hardship and ignored all the rumours. The third one is a bit immature and had a sad ending.

Some found their true love after many mistakes. Some never. It was hard to go through all these sad moments. But it was worth it. It was worth to see and know one's true love in the end though there is still a long road ahead. But some just live on, profiting from their selfish actions.

- Himeno

Starting...

Hmmm, really dunno when and where to start my story wor... But i can tell you, my life for the past 21 yrs was all ups and downs... Nothing was easy for me even when i am a practitioner of the religion known as Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism... Then there were many things in life which i cannot understand... now i think its really starting to get through to me liao... I think i should start at the time before i was born:

I was told by my mum, 2 months before i was born, her gynae diagnosed that i have 80% chance of being born either blind or brain damaged... My mum was devastated then but of course, she refused to give up just like that. My family then was already practicing Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism, because my grandma was already practicing and brought this wonderful religion into my family. Anyways, encouraged by my grandma, she set her prayers and chanted for me several hours a day chanting for me to be born normal and able to see this world. Her prayers were answered and on 02/12/84, she gave birth to me, her gynae told her, i'm perfectly fine, its really a miracle to mum then... The most miraculous thing is that i am born into my family with the Gohonzon (object of "worship" for us Nichiren Daishonin's Practitioners) at home. Thus, i am known as a fortune baby...

So, that's practically how i came to this world, pure and unknowing what lies in wait for me for the next 20 yrs...

Anyways, just for laughs:

http://bunnyherolabs.com/imagetest/fortune.php?m=Pbashpvbhf+Fnl%3A+Lbh+Tb+Gb+Wnvy+Onq+Obl....

- Himeno

In the wee hours of the night, a girl awoke to her dream vision, a vision which she couldn't recognise yet it felt disturbingly familiar. The dream vision was so vivid, so real that she kept seeing it replay over and over again in her mind's eye...